A daughter should never have to beg her father for a relationship.
I have struggled with daddy issues since I was a little girl. For those who have read the book – my story is very similar to Amahle’s.
Here’s what my dad did not understand, there were casualties when mom and him got divorced and I happened to be one of them. During the process, a lot of traumatic things happened – I felt as though I was going to lose my mother – the one person who tried to make sure that I was okay (thankfully I didn’t) and post-divorce, I was abandoned, not just by a man who lived 2 minutes away – but by his entire family. I lost my sense of belonging and I was completely erased from the place I once called home. The place he insisted was still my home.
And sadly, the little girl he abandoned loved him so much. She searched for him in everything, she still does. She held onto the purple shirt and white skirt he once bought for her from woollies (in all the years that I have been his daughter – these are the only items of clothing I remember that were purchased by my dad and the day he bought them, I was so happy – I felt seen, but as our story goes – that feeling didn’t last long and neither did the hope that came with it).
A lot of my hurt feelings have to do with the fact that he was never there and sadly, I always found a way to blame myself for it (maybe I wasn’t good enough bc he seemed to be doing the whole dad thing with my siblings) – I brought this up with him many times, and it was always a cycle where he would apologise, promise to do better – instil some hope in his little girl only for him to abandon her again. And it hurt a little more – each time.
Why this is titled liberated –
Daddy Issues gave me a voice. When I brought up my hurt feelings with him in the past – I censored myself and never truly expressed how deeply hurt I am.
I bought him the book. I asked him to read the first chapter and wrote him a letter to explain in detail where the hurt, anger and disappointment stems from. I poured out and felt a lot lighter – I did this to close the chapter of hurt so that I can enter a new chapter – one filled with healing, and I hope it will be glorious.
And for the first time – I received a genuine apology . I first read it with so much anger so it took some time to see it for what it is. So here we are – finally healing through it.